ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
