how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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