im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be naked everywhere
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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