we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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