I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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