why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dear god my vagina.
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