Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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