I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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