I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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