Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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