I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
