i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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