Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
