oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
