At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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