I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
