I love black thongs
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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