I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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