he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
