Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
