i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
