watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
