I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
