So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
