I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
