definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize