Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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