so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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