i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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