You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i love accidental penises.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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