i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
