my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
