Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
