He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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