Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
