If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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