Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize