I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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