I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
