this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
