That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
