Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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