I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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