This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
