I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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