last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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