I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
