Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
