If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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