U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
