How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize