Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
