My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would fuck him just for his dog
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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