you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
