after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
