A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
