There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
a search helicopter?!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
