I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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