I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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