Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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