it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
