if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
