I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
