I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
