i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
