I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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