I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my liver is dry heaving
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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