I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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