First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
