these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
